A Parent’s Guide to Listening to Your Children

Being able to listen requires practice. There is a difference in hearing versus listening. Hearing is often done with no effort as an involuntary action and can also happen accidentally. While hearing, on the other hand, is done intentionally with the purpose of understanding. It is focused and entirely voluntary as the one listening is genuinely wanting to hear what the other person is trying to say.

If you would like your children to listen to you, then you must listen to them. If you’re looking for an additional reason, a recent study found that having at least one caring parent was the most crucial factor in helping kids raise resilience and thrive in school.

In research published in the Journal of Pediatrics, children were six times more likely to master hurdles and finish their homework if they had a parent who listened to them.

While parents had the most considerable influence, other research shows that any caring adult’s presence can increase positive outcomes.

If you want to support children as a whole, work on your listening abilities. Try these suggestions for listening to children.

Suggestions for Preparing to Talk with Your Child

Laying a foundation with your child enables them to talk freely. 

Create an atmosphere that supports genuine conversations:

• Spend time together. Children are more likely to approach you with sensitive issues if you nourish an intimate relationship. Allot time each day for family meals and sharing fun activities. Perform household chores together as a family and read stories together as part of a bedtime routine.

• Tune out distractions. Please do everything you can to give children your full care and attention when they want to talk. Giving your full attention looks like putting away your phone, turning the volume down on the television, or turning it off completely. Set your focus on the speaker. Stop thinking about work, your to-do list, and your mortgage payments. 

• Work on timing. Fruitful discussions depend on the conditions. Let your children know that you’ll be available later if they need time to compose themselves or think a situation through. Give them time to write down their feelings so they can read the letter they wrote when ready. Later can mean in a few hours or even the next day. Let them tell you when they feel prepared.  

• Calm down. Likewise, you may need to cool off. If you’re angry, you may be more likely to say things that you’ll later regret. A short walk around the block can stop you from making sharp comments that could pierce your child for years. It also allows you to concentrate on hearing your child rather than focusing on how you’re feeling. 

• Think positive. Show your child that you notice the things they do well and the things they could have done differently. Center discussions on friends and education and less about unmade beds and sleeping habits.

Listening to Your Child

Anyone can increase their mindful listening abilities. These identical skills will serve you with other relationships too.

Strategies to increase your listening abilities:

• Focus on interaction. A discussion moves in two directions. Guarantee that you listen just as much as you speak.  

• Let go of judgments. Be sure your child knows that you love and accept them just as they are. Show them. Tell them they are enough. You can validate their actions even when you disagree with their decisions.  

• Drop your agenda. Please encourage your child to develop their own perspective and solve their dilemmas. Withstand the urge to do the task for them. 

• Address underlying issues. Talking is merely a surface explanation as it only takes one person to speak, but a discussion involves two people. There’s often more than what emerges on the surface when the one person talking evolves into two people having a conversation. Many conversations can reveal the root problems, which may require more assistance. If you feel your child is overreacting or showing unhealthy patterns, you may need to dig deeper or consider family counseling.  

• Be mindful of your body language. So much of communication is non-verbal. Observe and take queues from facial expressions and body gestures to tell your child that you’re engaged and supportive. Keep soft eye contact while keeping your body relaxed and open. 

• Talk about feelings. Even as adults, we struggle to identify feelings and share opinions. The more you practice using your emotional knowledge, you can be a better role model for understanding and verbalizing emotions. 

• Practice makes progress. You may find active listening unnatural or complicated when you first try it out. However, your skills will grow over time, and your family’s lives will be improved just by making an effort.

You can help your child cultivate healthy self-esteem and useful communication skills by listening to what they are trying to tell you. These skills continue to grow along with them, and you’ll both enjoy a closer relationship.