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Since the new school season is upon us, I thought I would share a memory of yesteryear that involves a back-to-school tradition for fourth graders all around the City of Porterville. Band Day!
It’s those moments when your kids remind you of a lesson you taught them that lets you know you’re doing it right. I had many moments where I had to humble myself and ask my children to forgive me because I was so wrapped up in myself that I forgot to live the way I had been showing them all along.
Our family just loves music! All genres of music and from different eras. We love the sound. My husband and my children can all play several instruments. Some nights as I walk around my home and I travel from room to room, putting things away or trying to pick up the day’s leftovers from our adventures, I almost always do it listening to music.
I am so blessed to listen to someone practicing the clarinet or a trumpet. I can hear of the strings being plucked to play the most melodious chords from the guitar or ukulele. I can hear the piano as little fingers dance along with the keys or the smooth sounds of a saxophone blowing into the night air. We were recently blessed with a trombone, and now we have a new sound, and it is so pleasing to the ear. I am truly blessed. But, what I don’t hear are drums.
I had always dreamed of having a percussion player in the house, but alas, I have none. They could probably play if they wanted to, but we don’t have a drum set lying around the house. I always thought that Kashmir would be my percussion player, but it wasn’t the instrument she chose. Our school district allows fourth graders to begin playing an instrument. So back when Kashmir was in fourth grade, we were ready to pick. We had been prepared for years!
Being that Kevin and Kaiulani both play an instrument, Kashmir naturally knew she would too. There was no question; it’s just what we get to do in fourth grade! With her being so young, I was able to steer her into thinking she loved percussion ( I wanted a kid on the drumline!) Or a saxophone player (I wanted her to play like Kenny G, I would have called her Kashmir B). We talked about this for four years! This was our plan.
As fourth grade came and September approached, I signed the permission slip, letting my daughter pick an instrument. Today was the day! I reminded her, percussion first! All kids are allowed to join the band if they choose to, at the expense of their parents, of course. No free instruments are available.
I picked her up from school and drove off. I asked, “How is my new band member?”. I looked at her in the rearview mirror as I navigated our way home, and she was smiling from ear to ear. “Good,” she replied.
“Okay,” I say, “you need the drum pad, sticks, and book first, and then next month, we’ll shop for a full drum set.”
By this time, we are down the street and have cleared the madness of the school traffic.
I see her smile fade, and she says, “I picked the trumpet.”
In my mind, I try to process this, but it makes no sense. I had coached Kashmir, brainwashed her, some might call it. Trumpet? I heard wrong. My feet hit the brakes, my finger flips the blinker, and I pull over. This matter needs my undivided attention.
” The trumpet?” I ask.
And before I go into full Mom roar mode and overreact, she tries to spew out her reasoning like vomit. Attempting to get it out before I can interrupt her. “Mr. Bonner says that in 5th grade, only three drummers make the band…”
Too late.
“Kashmir, you would have been one of them,” (I have complete faith in my children’s ability to excel in all aspects of their lives.) “he knows you, and he knows your siblings,” I continue. (The Lord has continually given favor to each one of my children. He is good to us).
By this time, I was looking at her in the eyes, turned, and twisted in my driver’s seat. She returned the eye contact. She looked like a little puppy dog, unsure of the attention she was getting.
“He said the drums were the cheapest instrument to play. You only have to buy three things, ” Kashmir whispers.
I knew this. This was just a bonus. Keeping four kids in sports year-round is no cheap task. (One year for NJB, my check was written for $500.00. ) The full drum set was not necessary, but we were going all the way. I could feel that drumbeat in my soul. I pictured her stellar performances in parades, competitions, and halftime shows. She was going to be the cool band geek.
“…and I thought I would save it for the people who couldn’t afford an instrument but want to play something.”
Her words shot through my heart like an arrow. Someone else would be the band’s heartbeat because they couldn’t afford any other instrument. They would be a star because their parents bought them a $12.00 drum kit. SOME other kids would have the opportunity that otherwise would not because my daughter put others first. She knew that we could afford a trumpet. She knew she would have to come and face me, and yet she was true to herself and followed her heart.
When I shared this story with my mother, she said Kashmir deserved a hug. (She has a Master’s Degree in mothering. I, on the other hand, am still in training). I did not hug my daughter because of one: I was still buckled in the driver’s seat, and two: I didn’t think to do it.
Instead, I smiled and said, “Kashmir, you make me so proud. I’m sorry. Thank you for reminding me to put others first”. We proceeded back onto the road and celebrated “Band Day” with a chocolate sundae, just like I did with her older siblings.
Later that evening, after all was processed, I again was baffled and asked why the trumpet and not the saxophone, and she said the band teacher played each instrument, and the trumpet sounded beautiful. Interestingly enough, that exact reason is why her older brother chose the trumpet five years prior. Mr. Bonner plays each instrument and explains the care needed for that instrument and the estimated cost. Of course, most children only hear the sounds. I have had the privilege of hearing him play at a band concert, and I must agree with my children he is an excellent trumpet player.
Kashmir has since learned to play seven other instruments and is now considering a music career. She has time to decide, but so far, that has been one of her original ideas for some time.
Sometimes as a parent, I forget how I live my life and show my children how to live theirs. They do listen to the words I am sharing, but more importantly, they are watching. Has there ever been a moment when your child reminded you of a lesson you taught them first? Maybe something you saw them do when nobody was watching, but you knew at that exact moment they had been observing the good in you all along. Take a moment to share your story in the comments. We’d love to hear from you.
Zachary has always been my child with the most heart. He loves people with all he has. When he was little, around 5 years old, I was laying in bed ill from who knows what. He came into my room, saw how sick I was, and tucked me in. He said, “mom, you take care of me when I’m sick so now it’s my turn”. My boy brought me water and whatever else my heart desired. He read me books and told the older two to “quiet down, mom’s sick”. He made me so happy that day, knowing I could count on him when times got tough. I know I can count on my older two, as well, but that day, he was my rock. 🙂
We are blessed!thank you for sharing. It feels good to know that we’re doing something right, that we are leading by example.
Your daughter is such an amazing person at such a young age!
Thank you. Children will teach us so much if we allow ourselves to listen.
I love this so much! And you’re right….Kashmir will be a leader regardless of which instrument (or which path) she chooses.
Thank you so much for caring about her education and as an individual. We are so blessed to be able to work with you.