Lesson Learned

In the book of Hebrews, chapter 12, beginning with verse 5, we read, “And have you completely forgotten this word of encouragement that addresses you as a father addresses his son? It says, “My son, do not make light of the Lord’s discipline, and do not lose heart when he rebukes you, 6 because the Lord disciplines the one he loves, and he chastens everyone he accepts as his son.” 7 Endure hardship as discipline; God is treating you as his children. For what children are not disciplined by their father? 8 If you are not disciplined—and everyone undergoes discipline—then you are not legitimate, not true sons and daughters at all. 9 Moreover, we have all had human fathers who disciplined us and we respected them for it. How much more should we submit to the Father of spirits and live! 10 They disciplined us for a little while as they thought best; but God disciplines us for our good, in order that we may share in his holiness. 11 No discipline seems pleasant at the time, but painful. Later on, however, it produces a harvest of righteousness and peace for those who have been trained by it.

I remember a time when my four-year-old daughter wanted to express her independence. My husband and I just got off of work and picked up both my 4-year-old daughter and 5-year-old son from childcare and were driving home. During the car ride, she asked us why my husband and I got to make decisions for her. She said, “Since I am me, why can’t I tell myself what to do? You guys get to tell yourselves what to do?”

My response was an explanation saying that we were adults and God had given us wisdom and knowledge to raise children. She went on to say she wished that we wouldn’t tell her what to do.

After a moment of silence, my husband added, “If you’re old enough to make decisions for yourself, then you have to be old enough to do things on your own.” “I can,” she responded in her tiny 4-year-old voice full of assurance. “Okay,” my husband said, “from now on, you can tell yourself what to do, but you won’t get any more help from us. No rules, no bedtimes, you can do whatever you want.” “Okay, “she responded with a smile.

I was sitting in the passenger seat thinking, oh my goodness, what has he done? Why did he say that? I was trying to think of a plan to undo his last words. Did he just relinquish our power of authority to our 4-year-old toddler? I couldn’t question him in front of our kids because we don’t undermine each other in front of other people, but WHAT HAS HE JUST DONE?

I began to get upset, but my thoughts were interrupted when we pulled into our driveway, and my husband announced that he was in the mood for some ice cream. Ice cream? How can he think of ice cream?

My toddler is about to go into our home and run us to the ground! “Do you want some ice cream, son?” he asked. “Yeah,” my son quickly responded with an enthusiastic smile. “May I have Ice Cream? “asked my daughter. “If you feel like having some, sure, you don’t have to ask us anymore, remember? You are in control of yourself. No more help and no more asking“, my husband answered.

Once inside the house, my husband took out a gallon tub of ice cream from the freezer and served three bowls. Vanilla’s aroma began filling the kitchen, “Mmm,” he taunted, “We need some syrup.” He generously poured syrup over the mounds of ice cream in each bowl. The chocolate designs were haphazardly squeezed on every inch, covering the ice cream. Then he topped each bowl with an abundance of whipped cream. “Aaahh there. It’s finished.”, he whispered, audible enough for us to hear him.

He quickly put away the ice cream and all of the wonderful ingredients used to whip up the enticing dessert. He then placed a bowl in front of my son, who immediately dug his spoon into the glorious-tasting treat and began to eat. He laid the second bowl in front of me, and the final bowl was placed in front of him.

“Where’s mine?” asked my daughter. “Oh,” my husband responded. “We aren’t in charge of you anymore. You have to make your own. I don’t know how much ice cream you want or how much syrup to add. I made your brother’s because I know what his limits are since I am in charge of him. You have to make your own”.

She looked at us and then began the labor of making her own bowl of ice cream. She took hold of a chair assigned to our kitchen table and began to drag it along the floor. The distance to the refrigerator from the table is a long way for a four-year-old. Partly because they are at opposite ends of our large kitchen and second because the chairs are heavy and bulky…even for me.

Because my daughter is very independent, she completed the first task and carried the ice cream to the table. Next, that same bulky chair was dragged to the kitchen sink, which is also placed quite a ways from the refrigerator, where she had to wash the ice cream scoop as it was not clean and ready to use. The chair was dragged back to the table, and she smiled smugly, staring at me and, my husband, obviously proud of her accomplishments thus far.

She looked down into the ice cream tub as she began to scoop the ice cream. Only, the smile quickly faded, and she looked up from the ice cream tub into our eyes, and tears began to stream down her cheeks. “The ice cream is too hard to scoop,” she cried. She didn’t have the strength to scoop the frozen dessert from the tub into her bowl. “Do you need some help” her father asked. “Yes,” she cried in a soft voice. “Are you ready to listen and let us be in charge of you again?” he questioned. “Yes,” she whispered.

My husband stood from his seat and scooped the ice cream into her bowl. He quickly added syrup and whipped cream as she wiped away her tears. He put away all of the ingredients and hugged her placing the bowl of ice cream in front of her. “We want to help you grow and be a good person. We want to make things easy for you so you don’t have to struggle. We know how to do things for you and know how to teach you. That’s why we are in charge. If you are a good listener and you be obedient, you can grow up to make good decisions for yourself. Understand?” he asked, still hugging her.

Who knew my husband was such a genius? She nodded, and with a kiss on the top of her head, he released his hug, smiled, and told her to enjoy the ice cream. We sat around the table talking about our day and enjoying the ice cream. He didn’t drag on the lesson or make her feel bad about it. She went through some hardship to learn a lesson, repented, and it was time to move on.

Our job as parents is not to hold it over her head or drag out the lesson more than necessary or even make her feel guilty, but only to teach the lesson. It was hard for us to watch and hard for her to learn, but because we love her, it needed to be done.

Our Father in Heaven sometimes has to do the same thing. He lets us struggle when we stray so we can learn that his plan was best all along.